Apparently, one of my recent blog posts came across as a bit defeatist. Like I was giving up, giving in and getting out.
Perhaps I didn’t express myself clearly or perhaps it was misinterpreted but a message of defeatism certainly wasn’t my intention.
I think that some of the realities of “the new lifestyle” are starting to kick in. In a piece I wrote a month or so back, I was complacent enough to claim that it wasn’t hard to do what I was doing but perhaps that was spoken from the naivety of the honeymoon period. Specifically, the time during which I had given up working full time but not yet forsaken many of the luxuries I’ve come to enjoy.
And I stand by my concerns. I may not get any money, I may succumb to the pull of those luxuries and I may get disenchanted with compromise. But that doesn’t mean that anything’s changed. I still love what I’m doing. I still get excited when someone emails me about an expedition, comments on my website, tells me they’ve read something I wrote or likes one of my projects. And I still think this is a great idea.
Besides, I’m too stubborn to give up until I’ve proven my point (whatever it may be). Too chicken to admit defeat. Too proud to commit the ultimate hypocrisy of publicly preaching one thing and privately practicing another. Too confused to know what else to do with my life and too damn excited to leave any of this behind.
In short, you will not get rid of me that easily. Roll on 2010.
(P.S. I hope you’ll stick with me through any tough times ahead but I’ll try to get back to the nauseating optimism and will start with tomorrow’s post!)